As I heard a neighbor’s alarm go off for the 4th time this morning as he/she hit the snooze button again (!), I started reflecting a bit on city living, specifically apartment living. Now that we live in Manhattan and not in the suburban sprawl where you can happily have family arguments with no one to eavesdrop 😉 I have decided that there really are 10 simple rules to co-existing happily in tight spaces with complete strangers. I am sure that there are many more and please feel free to add your own. Here are mine. Enjoy!
1. Elevator Rules:
We all live in the same building and yes, we might not know each other’s names or likes and dislikes but we recognize each other’s faces so FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, please nod, say hello or do something else to acknowledge my or another person’s existence when I or someone else enters the elevator. This is not an office building in midtown, it is okay to make eye contact and yes, even comment on the weather. Also, please respect the sign that says do not over crowd the elevator. Again, it is not a fast paced midtown building elevator with fancy schmancy new technology and some of us (me!!!) are terrified of getting stuck in it.
2. Alarm Clock
I get that you like to sleep in, who doesn’t? But if your initial alarm must go off at the ungodly hour at 5am and it also has the volume level to wake up the entire apartment building on our end, you DO NOT get to hit snooze 4 times… NO you do not. No exceptions. If you need to have an alarm that loud, when it rings, get the F*%K up!!!
3. Wake And Bake
I really don’t care what your recreational drug habits are, blaze away my friend, blaze away. But, when one is living in close quarters please try and vent your substances away from my children’s windows, K? Do I need to say is S-L-O-W-E-R…
4. Be Nice to the Doormen
This drives me crazy. How hard is it to just be nice to people? And these are the guys that open the door for you, make sure you receive all your mail, packages and other special deliveries. They also know everyone that comes to visit you and probably know way more personal information about you than the person you are married to. Um hello, why would’t you be nice to them??!!!
5. No Vacuuming Before 10 am on the Weekends
This seems to be pretty self explanatory. No matter how much of a neat freak you are, it is just NOT cool to be the person vacuuming early on the weekends.
6. Keep Your Dogs On A Leash
This also seems like common sense, but alas, it is not. My 100 pound dog does not think that it is cute to be
attacked charged at by your three little dogs, no matter how cute you think it is. Just keep your dogs on a leash, I will keep mine on a leash and all will be fine. Got it?
7. Remember That Your Windows Are Open
I know everyone has been guilty of this… Noise travels especially when the windows are open and there is very little breeze. So my friendly neighbors, keep this in mind when your little one is screaming at 4 am, you are having that throw down fight with your significant other, wild parties or intense um, relations. Maybe THAT is why no one looks at each other in the elevator…
8. Don’t Be An A-Hole When It Comes To Garbage
I don’t care how much of a slob you are in your own apartment but we all share garbage and recycling, so out of respect for everyone just use common decency and be clean. It really is not that hard. Put garbage in a secure bag, recycle what is supposed to be recycled. It is not rocket science, yet…
9. Be Weary of Experimental Food Dishes
I am all for trying out new recipes, just be a little cautious of those that have crazy smelly ingredients that may linger for days. Or at least try out those recipes on breezy window wide open days not in the dead of winter or in the steaming heat of summer.
10. Just Be Nice!
Lastly, it can be tough living in such close quarters with so many different personalities let alone your own family so just practice patience, tolerance and most of all- be nice. It really is a lot easier to crack a smile than throw a grimace. And when you need a break, I suggest the wide open spaces in Central Park for a nice long walk.