I woke up this morning not sure what time it was, what day it was or where I was supposed to be. I had a feeling of unease like I was supposed to be somewhere or I had forgotten something important. And then I remembered that it was New Year’s Eve day. For some reason I always feel incredibly restless on this day. It didn’t help that my inbox was flooded with emails reminding me to give to various causes before midnight or to go and spend money as these deals would be over by the end of the day. TIME WAS RUNNING OUT!!! “Did I still need to make a reservation for dinner?”, “Had I thought about my resolutions?”, “It wasn’t too late to commit to a better, more improved me”…
This time of year is supposed to be a time of reflection but right now for me it is giving me a bit of anxiety. All of the posts asking you to look back on the decade to see how far you have come. Whoa boy, right now I am lucky if I can remember what I ate for breakfast. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy looking back, especially at pics of the girls, I mean look how darn cute they were 10 years ago!
I guess the thing about it is, that a tremendous amount has happened in the last 10 years. Lives have been lived. Good, bad, ugly, exceptional, mundane, fantastic, crazy, insane, all the emotions in moments both big and small. It was everything. It IS everything. And in 2020 there is much to look forward to. Major life changes will happen. That is the beauty of it all.
In the past few days I have found myself stuck in a funk, feeling a sadness, a weight if you will. I have been dwelling on the past and also fast forwarding to the future and scaring myself with the unknown and what ifs. I have not allowed myself to just breathe and be in the now. I know that it is unrealistic to think that we can totally just live in the now, there are responsibilities and decisions and planning that does need to happen in life. However, I have decided that I am going to try and find the strength this year to put a bit of a pause on the over thinking and worry regarding the unknown. I know, I know, easier said then done. For those of you who know me, I come by my worry gene very honestly 🙂 I guess I am just trying to step outside of my fear and have the courage to take steps into these new adventures with an open heart and mind knowing that I can’t control everything and that it is perfectly okay.
My wish for you all as we enter 2020 is more time to be in the moment with those you love. May we all share a bit more patience, kindness and compassion with our fellow humans. Peace, love, health and happiness my friends!!
It's Always An Adventure 